Oh hey I remember this place

Life.  In a word; busy.

So lets recap a bit:

Lots of dental work.
Kids are both a little older.
I’m a little older and feel it.
It’s fall now.

I think I’m ready to retire.  Bring me my black socks and sandals and a house on the beach.  I want to sit back and eat soft serve while I watch rockets lift off from Kennedy Space Center.

On a serious note.  HAHA, serious note? Here?  At any rate, it’s a wonder I found the time to even make this meager addition to my blog.  It went from a “get stuff done” blog to a “it’ll get done when it damn well gets done” kind of blog.  Not a great way to go through life, eh?  Well, each day sort of feels like going through a car wash, sans car.  Getting pummeled and hosed down and by the time you’re done you want a drink and a nap.

I feel bad for our six year old though.  He’s at school all day long and guess what he gets to do when he gets home?  Homework!  EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  Ok, not Friday sometimes.  Seriously, I don’t remember this much homework from that age.  So I’m either losing my mind OR they’re pushing too much crap on kids these days.   Overload warning?  I think we should have him knit socks on top of that too, ya know, to really make him earn his keep.  Well, his day is coming.  Once he’s able to crank and push a lawnmower, yes, I’ll set up a lounge chair outside and sip lemonade while my minions work for me.  Then I’ll take credit, of course.  Not to worry, I’ll pay with candy and donuts!

Anyway, I’m at work now so I should work.  I just thought while BLOGS were on the brain I’d visit my own.  Nice to see it’s still in one piece.  Ok, back at it.

Weebly wobbly, timey-wimey

So despite the fact that we generally pride ourselves on being extraordinarily boring we’ve been going through a rather rough patch here lately. Since my folk song isn’t turning out so well, and I really am trying to emote more I thought I’d get down with my bloggy self. I had all but abandoned my portion of PPB, in lieu of my baby, coupondiva. Alas, I have taken a sabbatical from my frugally goodness due to the serious lack of time and concentration that the strategizing takes. That, and I let just about every damn body I met from here to Timbuktu know that I was starting a site, and couldn’t take the pressure of trying to be clever. Because truth be told, I am getting progressively less intelligent.  Yes it’s true. Parents should know what I’m talking about. Opinions on politics, world events, lovely thought provoking books have all but been replaced with grocery lists, bills that are due, and housework that needs to be done. We signed up for this and I’m grateful that we were blessed so easily with our family. The day to day has been particularly difficult as of late, due to DH taking on not one but two gnarly bits of side work that…will…..not…..end. Despite the fact that we live, carpool and work together I feel like I actually haven’t seen him the past month. This is our routine

4:00 AM-Baby had decided that “You know, 4 am is just the best time to wake up” so I spend the next 30ish minutes convincing him that “No, really 6:30 is the way to go”

5:30 AM- Friggin, frappin alarm clock goes off. Tripping over shoes and action heroes, I get some coffee and breakfast for DH and I.

5:50 ish AM- I hit the shower. Decide that due to the fact that I wear slacks almost every day, I can wait to shave the legs

6:00 AM- Start attempting to wake up hubby. Sometimes the kids help out with this by either the baby kicking him in the face (Yes, after the 4 AM wake up call I let him sleep in our bed. Let’s just say there are no good intentions at that un-godly hour) Or Captain (who walks in his sleep like his momma) has wandered into our bed where he will proceed to steal your blanket and kick the crap out of you.

6:10- Go and assemble bottles and Captain’s breakfast and lunch. Yes you wonderfully organized people, this SHOULD be done the night before, but watch the day unfold and you’ll see why this never happens.

6:30-Go shake Hubby again, due to the fact that miraculously neither of our boys has given him the “Good morning Dad” kick. Wake up Captain who WILL have a meltdown if he misses Ruff Ruffman.

6:40ish- Blow dry hair in the living room, using the reflection of the fireplace guards as my mirror so I can watch the kiddos drop waffles on the carpet.

6:50ish-Dad gets the boys dressed.  Snurf has decided that diaper change (particularly the bombs) is the best time to try out his contortionist skills. Much wrangling ensues. Now on to the elder, who now has opinions on what he wears (Same kid who at 3 wore Superman PJs to Kroger, on purpose). After much repeating, pleading, etc. both kids are dressed, teeth are brushed. YAY

7:00-7:20ish-Go through the get dress process myself. This takes this long due to the fact whatever I want to wear is going to be the article that is still balled up in the bottom of the clean clothes basket, thus must be ironed.

7:20ish-We leave.

7:22-We return home to retrieve forgotten item of the day.

7:25-Drop Snurf off at Daycare

7:33-Drop Captain off at his daycare which will transport him to school. Most mornings this goes off without a hitch. Except for mornings like today’s. Due to the fact that his shoe is tied incorrectly, meltdown ensues. There is much crying and leg grabbing.  YAY!

7:35-8:03-Drive to work hitting EVERY SINGLE FRAPPIN RED LIGHT.

8:03-5:02-Ah relief, nice tedious detaily jobs for all. Every day frustrations and soul squashing commences.

5:03-5:50-Drive home and picking up of children. Here lately the gamble of the day is whether or not Captain will have a “smiley” or “does not follow directions, disrupts class, mayhem, foolishness and shennigans” type day

6:00-7:00-On a good day we try to go to the gym, has not been happening as of late due to the fact that we have to “get this party started” for DH to work in the evenings. Dinner is prepared and I am informed that yet again “I am not a good cooker, only Bubbles (my mom) is.” Hubby and I eat what has been prepared, Captain eats cereal,  Snurf refuses his dinner to save room for whatever he can baby-hoover off the floor.

7:00-8:00-This is when our homework (yes in Kindergarten) /bath time occurs. Baths are interesting in the fact that they HATE to get in, and then HATE even more to get out. Hubby is officially relegated to the basement until the wee hours, designing..coding.. and overall slowly losing his mind.

7:30ish- Snurf goes to bed. We are at the no-rocking-let him scream till he drops point. Bring on the momma guilt. I collect it like most southern women collect Precious Moments figurines.

The rest of the evening is spent with shooing away the neighbor kids whose parents are of the “I don’t want to see you in this house until it’s dark” mentality. Cleaning ( the task that is quite possibly the most redundant and unrewarding activity known to man) or just randomly losing time.

9:00- Captain goes to bed, at last a moment to ourselves. This is the time when Cosmo and all of the “Working Woman” websites tell you to take a moment for yourself, have a glass of wine with your spouse, take a bubble bath, have some sex. Are you frappin’ kidding me. Most nights I’m out by 9:15 after taking out the contacts and swipin the face with a cleansing cloth. The exceptions are Wednesday’s when I really do try to make the Flight of the Conchord’s song a reality, heh.

So this was a peek into a day at the McCrary’s.  It’s insane, it’s busy, it’s messy and I do love it and know that one day, My kids will be grown, my house will be clean, my bills we be paid, and we will be bored.

Day 15

I usually write my daily update at days end but not today.  Why?  Well I want to get on with it.  My weekend was good (and bad).  Good because it was pretty tame and not much happened.  Oh, well I did lose my wallet.  That sucked but everything was replaceable.  The “bad” part would fall in the realm of my diet and lack of exercise.

Diet took a hit because 1) Still sulking about my hurt shoulder a tad.  2) I am now 100% convinced that diet drinks DO increase our need/urge for sweets or at least compensation for calories which our bodies were thought to have had.  A couple of weeks ago in a coupon deal we got 5 12-packs of diet soda for something like 2 dollars.  Hell of a deal!  At least it wasn’t regular soda?  Anyhow, if anyone recalls, several months ago I went on a diet drink exodus.  It worked quite well and I felt quite well.  I suppose I need to do that again.  3) It was my birthday, so I figured “what the hell!”.

Exercise: next to none.

With that said, my youngest fell asleep on me 5 times on Saturday.  Even when she couldn’t get him to nap.  I’d take him, bounce him in my lap and a few minutes later he’s snoozing.  He slept right through my home theater stereo blasting 7.5 million pounds of space shuttle thrust into the room.  That’s skill!  Ah what a great launch.  They never get old.  It takes a couple of seconds for that bull to get rolling but after that, it hauls ass!

Ok, well all that said, I’m starting again, here on day 15 as a 30 year old man.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I don’t care what you say anymore…

I really don’t like being angry.  There are two forms of being naked.  One is having no clothes on, and while that’s fun and all, that’s not the kind of naked I am.  The other kind of naked is being exposed emotionally.  The feeling of having no control over yourself and what you’re going to do.  It’s not a pleasant feeling.  When you describe what GAD is to someone who doesn’t have it, you might as well be an alien.  That’s the kind of look you get.  You feel like you’re from a different planet or not quite actually on this one.

One of the most common complaints of GAD sufferers is the fear of doing something terrible or stupid.  It can range from falling in a mud puddle, to hurling yourself off of a 14 story balcony.  Yeah it’s extreme.  The problem is, you aren’t actually “wanting” to do these things, you are afraid something will posess you and you will do them.  That fear leads to anger.  Anger at yourself for letting yourself feel that way and that anger leads to more distress.  It’s a viscious cycle.

How do you fix it?

Medicine is about the worst thing to use.  I’ve tried one and it made me feel worse than before I took it.   After three days on wellbutrin I dropped it.  I thought I might try another but decided I wasn’t going to live my life medicated.  I’m not saying I’m cured, no, far from it.  I’m saying that I’ve learned to know when  I’m having an anxiety attack.  I never get  used to it but at least I know what it is.  It’s usually a half an hour of terror followed by great relief.  I don’t know what sets them off I don’t know when I’ll get them, they just happen.

What’s really set me off is the past two weeks.  First, I had the flu.  Ok, that’s bad and all.  Well I have this new job and I wasn’t granted any paid time off.  So I came to work sick two days out of the four I was down with it.  I had to make up one of the days and burn a vacation day given for attending an all day event.  Then, as it were, I get a cold last week.  I am still fighting that cold now.  The past two weeks I’ve had fever, chills, cough, snot, congestion, headaches, worked from home (with no credit), worked at night doing sidework, worked a saturday for make up, spent a saturday at a work event and it feels like a lot more.  It seems like I can get any rest.  And when I have time for rest, my mind races so I can’t rest.  I’d take a vacation, if I had any…  So here I am, venting like crazy because this is it, this is my outlet.  It gets better though.

Every single step of the way, life seems to want to play a joke on me.  I don’t have bad luck, no, I have ANNOYING luck.  I am so thankful to have great family and friends.  Two healthy children, loving wife, house, cats, and the works.  I’m thankful for that every day.  Life hasn’t dealt me a bad hand, just a very annoying one.

So this message is to you, life.  I will beat you down and make you my bitch.  You are mine.  It’s not the other way around.  So take your annoying luck and stick it up your butt with a coconut. UP. BUTT. COCONUT!

…This is my life.

Day 7: Semi-routine

Everyone is healthy.  Finally.

Our oldest went back to school today and we’re all back to work.  The holidays are all but a memory now.  The last remnants will be the Christmas lights, most of which I took down this morning.  I should have gotten a picture of them.  Oh well, next year.

What was supposed to start last week is going to kinda start this week.  That is, keeping track of things, finances and diet info, etc.  All this while maintaining the fragile balance of our routines.  The more people you have to care for, the more dynamic things become.  Now, in a few years we won’t have to hover nearly as much.  We have to make it there first!

So I’m going to lay off the technical diet/fitness posts for a bit and just post about real life.

50% through the day – Update!

I have pharyngitis. It will come to the relief of the wife and kids that I won’t die from a sore throat.

Another side update. We’re tracking our intake once again on www.fitday.com – If you haven’t seen or heard of this site, then you have now.

Problem: I CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT
Cause: I HAVE NO IDEA!
Solution: Track what you eat. Everything. All of it. Every single bite.

You’ll find that tracking your daily food intake can be quite eye opening. The old adage is true. Eat right, exercise regularly, drink plenty of water and you will, for the most part, be healthy. No, it is not a cure all for everything. If you’re going to go through life, you might as well try to live up to your potential, yes?