Everyone loves lists

So here’s a frickin’ list.

I call this, the Laws of Lewis (yes, that’s LOL)

1. If you take food into a room and someone comes in behind you and asks if something is burning then yes, it’s your food, no matter how tasty it is.
2. When you find one particular sock it’s against the law of socks for you to find another match sock in a pile of socks.  Any such match sock that is found prompty after finding the first sock is exiled from the sock community.
3. When you are browsing the internet and looking at something you shouldn’t be looking at it’s the law of the internet to send a probe to investigate.  Probes can be your boss, a co-worker, your wife, even your cat can act as on by knocking something over and scaring the crap out of you.
4. It is the law of the road for a car that is approaching at a slow pace to be followed by a car approaching at a faster pace when you wish to cross a road.  If following car is NOT going faster it is their inherent responsibility to do so.  Failure to do will get that car exiled from the “none shall pass” car club.
5. If you’re trying to make a list you will always get stuck trying to figure out what to add to it.  Despite the fact you had a head full of great ideas, you will draw a blank and start to fantasize about panties with union jacks on them.
6. If there is a room full of people talking about a TV show, sorry that just happens to be the ONE TV show you do not follow.  All subsequent conversation will proceed to sound like the teacher from Peanuts.
7. If you get a sweet new job with awesome perks, they will end the day of your starting or as early as a week prior and if you’re lucky as late as 2 weeks after you start.  Yes, perks are allergic to you.  It’s a wonder you can even get a job with that track record!  In addition to that, the job that you just left will put into effect the sweet perks that you just lost out on.  You will be constantly reminded of the aforementioned perks by a former co-worker.
8. If you’re ever promoted to a position which, in the past, had gotten a notable end of year bonus then they will stop giving them that year.  Oddly enough if you’re promoted to an even higher position and a colleague is promoted to your former position, they will reinstate the said bonus for your prior position and stop giving them for your newest position.
9. If you have a great idea, forget it.  Someone else already thought of it, in fact about 100 people probably did and 10% of them took it somewhere and made it awesome, each unaware that they are competely unoriginal in the first place.  Then again, if you make lots of coin, who cares right?
10. If you see something completely random and out of place somewhere, never ever move it.  Ever.  If you do, then you’ve fulfilled a prophecy.  Shortly after moving the item you will be visited by an Angel of Doom.  Failure to replace the item will cost you your soul and adequate change for something out of the vending machine.  If they’re out of Snickers, God help you.  Angels of Doom have a taste for them.  Don’t move the item.